What I can’t say….

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I dedicate another random post to a close friend. I was searching in my mind as to what I would write today and I came across her name. Then upon chance, as soon as I got home, she left me a message in Facebook.

I go and casually read her message and reply with my well-thought out “hey” (#sarcasm). Well, honestly I couldn’t say anything to her despite what she’s been through. Why? Because I was never in the position to understand, I never experienced the situation she is going through now.

Good friend that I am *ehem ehem*, I told her to just rant everything to me. Just take it all out from her chest because throughout the days we’ve been together, she never cried or even opened up to me. In my part I thought she wasn’t ready despite the occassional nudge I give her to open up. I controlled myself and thought, “I’d give her time”.

But that night, I realized that I haven’t seen that she’s keeping it all in by herself. The reason totally unknown to me. Maybe, she’s sfraid to open up or to actualize the problem verbally.

So I said, “friend, rant all you want. I will be here and I won’t interrupt you at all.” I sat there on the other side of the screen all nervous and jumpy as to whether she’ll take the bait or not.

Gladly, she did.

And I understood her point of view better than just hearing sbout her casual dismissals of apathy towards the situation.

I always knew what the gift or ranting brings out. The voice of the heart. Ranting would continuously, regardless of whether you’re sad or angry, generate that sense of relief of voicing out what you want others to hear. Some people dismiss me as being meddlesome, well, I’d rather be meddlesome than downright apathetic.

The emotions you have as you carry out every spiteful word you ensue, generate the idea that you are free say anything you want. And the best thing will always be to have someone on the receiving side to welcome your rants without judging or changing their opinion towards you. Pfft, Friendship entails more depth than that.

Despite doing this, I sat there dumbfounded at how I’d react to what she was saying. I was actually stunned. I knew that she felt that way inside, well I assumed, but reading it in reality smacked me right in the head as to how much she needs to let everything out of her.

All I could think about then, after the perilious period at the end of her sentence was, “Think of a joke gaddam*t, make her laugh!” Nothing came to mind other than mindlessly typing “KAWAII!!! (Cute!!)” in all caps greatness. (Our inside joke #sweet)

*smack in the head* Self?! Why?! Seriously?! That’s all you could think about?! Augh -_-

That kind of veered the topic away from the depressing notes she wrote. I never left her any messages that made sense after that because I SERIOUSLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!

To my friend, I was hindering you from opening this blog post because I didn’t want you to see it. But if you still do (you’re stubborn like me *wink*) I just wanted to say that I’m here for you, through thick and thin.

I was never a good adviser, hell, I can’t even make up a decent joke now you expect me to make up a good advice?! Jk. But seriously though, all I could offer you throughout the length of our friendship is my time and my loyalty. I have nothing best to offer you than the idea of my FABULOUS presence. *chokes* *gags* *dies*

No, but seriously, I am in no position to say any clever words for you, or even if I am even capable to do so. I offer myself to you and believe that I’ll always be here for you. Believe me, I’m not giving you much of a choice.

You are stuck with me.

Sometimes the greatest comfort you could offer someone is your presence. You offering of a comfortable silence or a raging sympathy, the human mind labors on the idea of having someone to talk to and connect with, and human heart? Offer the greatest of love you can offer. It might not seem enough, but for the time being, its worth everything.

I apologize for the serious post, I’m not that kind of blogger. Don’t worry I’ll return to the craziness soon.

‘Till the next great adventure *wink*

– Mindless Adventurer

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