Sad title huh?
So many people have posted in so many sites that depression is this, depression is that…then at the end of every article/post, they say things that, “Don’t be because life is blah blah blah.”
Some people carry on the weight on their shoulders feel uplifted by kind words the internet has spread throughout its arms, and yet some, need a little push: a little more than a post would be needed to open up and loosen the heavy burden on our shoulders.
I like to think that I am posting this in a different perspective. I am posting this as a means to relate to other people because depression can affect all types of people. And apparently, it takes the strongest of will to overcome it. I am not here to tell you what to do or to provide advice (maybe…a little along the way), I am here to let you know that SOME people DO understand.
First things first: Depression can affect ANYONE. That much is obvious. Be it your the most perfect student in class with all the grade A’s and little B’s, or the school quarterback, or maybe even the nerd sitting in the library enjoying his isolation, or the class clown…depression hits everyone. And when it does, it hurts… A LOT.
The reason why I am telling you that depression is an existent form even among the successful and happy students is because of humanity’s ability to hide it.
Those little “I’m fine…ABSOLUTELY fine.” type of words with you controlling your tears from falling down, is what makes depression so hurtful. You try SO hard to keep up with the smiles, the laughter and prove to the world you’re okay……but deep inside, you know you’re not, and that helpless feeling quietly developing in your heart makes it worse.
You may think that those little lies you tell yourself is enough to actually boost your self-esteem, sometimes, that doesn’t work. You know what you end up with? Uncontrollable pain in your heart that leaves you crying on the floor secretly yelling for someone to help you. Another sad thing, someone may not even come.
It amazes me how some people can hide it so well that when you start opening up, which is by the way a miracle, people are absolutely stunned at how you really feel. And you’re actually mad about it. Why? Because you realize how people cannot actually see what is inside. You’re mad because people can’t see how much you are suffering.
Deep inside you want someone to notice those little tears in your eyes whenever you lose control, or those small frowns at the end of the day that you try to hide by showing the largest of smiles in a snap. You want them to see you, the real you…
….but they can’t…because they are struggling with their own devils…
Sometimes we are so selfish to our pain that we prioritize ourselves over others, that’s not bad right? I mean you’re suffering deep inside and you just need help. But some people forget that others are carrying their own burdens too. You are so focused on your own pain that you forget that others have it too, maybe much more worse than yours, and the funny thing is…you’ll never know about it…we can hide the pain that no one could see or feel other than you.
Whenever you’re with people you care about, you are the life of the party. You smile, you joke, and maybe even laugh better than most. But the moment you are alone, every smile turns upside down and you wallow in self-pity. No use denying it. You want so bad to be happy that you try and try everyday to make things work and seem pleasant but the moment the facade is gone, the world comes crushing down on you. BOOM, Reality.
Then you go thinking to yourself, “Can anything be better? Can I be happy?”. And you find yourself stuck because you want to say Yes, but right now…this moment…all you see is No. You don’t want to answer your own question because you are afraid that it might not happen at all, or if it happens, it would be short-lived. You live in fear of hoping for something to change, because you think, that hoping for it may leave you heartbroken again.
The sad thing about all these is, you can’t find someone who actually feels the way you do. No one ever confesses who sad they are, they sugar-coat things to make it seem like they’re going through life one step at a time. You can’t trust what they say because you have never been in their position, and you have no right to say that you have it worse.
You find yourself stuck in an endless cycle of hoping for the best and crashing down the ground. You feel like everything is out of control and you are frustrated with that fact. So in the end, you isolate yourself and develop bitter feelings inside.
The funniest people may seem adaptive at best, but those adaptations may bring out the worst of pain. Sometimes laughter is just a make-up for what is real. Jokes are just funny conversation pieces to hide the way your voice cracks in tears whenever you tell your own story.
All I’m trying to say is…..somehow, there is someone who understands….but no one can understand yourself better than..well, you. I don’t have any idea on what to say to you the moment you tell someone everything….but all I could tell you right now is..
…somehow I understand your pain. Somehow. And no matter how painful it is…you’ve got to find the courage to open up. Don’t stand up by yourself (well, maybe sometimes), find people who could support you in the most epic way possible. If you can’t ….you have me *wink* (seriously, you could leave me a message I’m all yours 🙂 )
Don’t hide from yourself….and see that the people who cares for you the most, may carry their own burden, but they care for yours more.
Hope you get a little something from this…
See you soon
– Mindless Adventurer