Why it hurts…

The last time I saw you I could not even look at you. You were standing 5 feet from me and all I could every think about is to not look at you.

I could not and would not dare.

I look up and for a split second my eyes met yours. I tried looking away but I can’t. So you did, like you always do. I turned my back so that I could fool myself that I don’t see you.

I detested seeing you today after all these years because I knew the sight of you would bring back all the memories I kept buried deep inside. And it did. Just seeing your face made me want to cuddle myself in the corner and cry all over again.

Its amazing how much power you have over me, but hey, as you pointed out, you didn’t want me, so I should not want you too.

Years passed by and I still can’t believe that I existed only as a mere person for you, when for me, you became my world.

I remember the days when I would watch you walk away from me everyday to the girl who had your heart. Its was a cliche moment, but it had me in tears.

But hey, I picked up the heart you just broke and walked away too.

Funny huh? because this time I’m walking away.

I spent years trying to forget you, or rather, letting my heart forget you.

It helped. God….the time away from seeing your face everyday helped a lot. I focused on what I do in life, and left you alone. Completely alone. I erased every physical memory of you, because I know that the memories in my head are hurtful enough. I deleted your phone number and I blocked you in any social media site we have,

I tried. Goddamit, I tried so hard because our almost was never fulfilled.

But the a**hole you are,it is you who kept coming back.

You tried to make it sound like a friendship could even be scavenged to the wreck you’ve caused me. You tried to make things sound like everything is a walk in the park.

You made it sound like you haven’t broken anything.

You talk to me through the times that I’m trying not to. You leave me messages that make my heart skip a beat after all these years. How can you do this to me?

It still hurts knowing that you’re trying to keep us together with something less than what my heart desires. You want something that I could never give you, but the funny thing is you’ve never accepted anything from me. So why now?

I don’t understand how you’ve hurt me so bad in the past…..to hurt me more in the present. How could you have done this to me? It boggles my mind…

And it leaves my broken heart in pieces yet again.

I’m tired of crying all night over you, and I swore to myself I’d keep my tears dry when it comes to you.

I won’t let you have that power over me again. I’m trying to let go, so please let me.

.

.

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You’re making my broken heart hope for what is beyond both of us, and that is why it hurts so bad.

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6 thoughts on “Why it hurts…

  1. “You’re making my broken heart hope for what is beyond both of us, and that is why it hurts so bad.”
    God! It ends so beautifully

    Like

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