As you were walking along a pale lit hallway, you suddenly see his back walking further and further away from you, never knowing that you were right behind him.
You reminisce the days when you would laugh together, do the craziest tricks together and simply be…together. But who are you kidding? *scoffs* In his heart there will always be someone else, someone…..far better, and you will always find yourself left behind thinking, ‘why am I not enough?’
As you gaze at his retreating back, you find myself wishing, “Please. Please turn around and come to me instead. Not her. Pick me. Just turn around please? Even a slight turn of the head and I’ll run to you, like I always do. Please?”.
Funny thing is, no matter how much you say to yourself that you were meant to be together, it was never going to happen, especially when his own heart is full of her – her laugh, her smile and her heart.
So you find myself standing alone, stuck in the moment only you will remember. As you try to fight back tears you think to myself, “Go. Go to her and be happy for me.”
You take your first step away and it hurts – your heart heavy with pain. “I wish she was me.”
You found someone before and yet he found someone else. You didn’t need a reason for liking him more, but you still did. Was it your own stupidity or the sweet touch of first love?
He was the guy that introduced you to everything sweet. He was the guy who first made your heart skip a beat, making you think if you’re suffering from juvenile heart problems. But most of all, he was the guy who made you think that there may be an “Us” in a world full of “Me”.
Through a cruel twist of fate, the boy who opened your world to sweet smiles, moments and memories was never the boy meant for you. Oh, trust me. You would give anything just to fight fate and tie your strings together but fate does not take bribes. It only takes hearts. Sadly this time, it was yours.
But hey! You fight and you fight – bruised and battered, you fight. You spend your days thinking of ways for making him see you – the you who deserved him. I simply applaud you of your courage and tenacity, but my dear dear girl, no matter what you do, some things are just NOT worth fighting for.
Then, you find yourself saying, “Okay, this is it. I am telling him I love him. I’ll show him my heart and offer it to him.” Kudos for your bravery my dear girl and I urge you to do it. Oh. You may think me mean, but I urge you to do it, even though the heartbreak we both know is inevitable.
Next I see you alone again, seated farthest from everyone else – trying to fight back the tears threatening to spill, trying to smile despite how painful your heart beats. I approach you slowly. You look up and waterworks ensue. Hugging you is the best thing I can offer your broken heart. My dear girl, in this your are not alone, but hear this: “I am proud of what you will become.”
You may not know it, but being left behind does not equate sadness. Scream at me, fight me – hell, kick me if you will, but I am here to tell you. You’ve become stronger my dear girl.
“Why — How?!”, you ask.
Because you loved.
It may seem trivial to others to how much drama you are putting on display today, but I am a testimony that what you did, will make you a stronger person. You approached him with fear and anxiety and told him everything. You showed your heart my dear girl – your poorly protected heart. You knew what may happen – happiness that knows no bounds or sadness that may consume you, and yet you strode on and spilled your love to him.
But alas, it was not meant to be. So you keep your poorly broken heart back to its darkness and pull back. You smile back at him and painfully say, “It’s okay, I will be fine”, even though you both know you won’t be. You take your pride and walk away finding the darkest corner in your castle to cry.
My dear girl, what you did takes the bravest of hearts – for it is never easy to open up fully to someone and offer your truest self. You may find yourself crying now, but I tell you, you’ve grown stronger. You erected walls filled with caution and doubt around your heart, and I tell you, this will protect you as you find yourself falling in love again.
But, I implore you my dear girl – as much painful the experience might be, never regret that you showed love in its truest form and told the world about it. Never regret that you loved a man more than you loved yourself because you deserved to fight for your happiness. Protect your heart for it is rare in form.
Continue to love my dear girl, do not be afraid because it might seem far-fetched but one day you’ll find yourself outside the darkness, squinting into the light, smiling and finally saying, “I did it.”
And maybe even one day, someone will stand at the end of your hallway, not walking farther away but even closer to you, and he, in turn will offer you the grandest of gifts, his own heart.
Thank you. Til’ next